There have been several posts dancing around in my head over the past couple of weeks but I have been short on the time to put them coherently into a thought, much less a complete post. Hopefully I can combine them here.
Whenever I do a service for my in-laws (like deliver medicine or take them to an appointment) because they are such wonderful people, they thank me proficiently. They take nothing for granted–ever. Similarly, I have had conversations with nurses at the Cancer Care center who remark how lucky they are to have me..that what I do is really unusual. Both of these things make me really uncomfortable. I do not want to be thanked because what I do seems as natural as breathing; I could not imagine anything else. I do not want others to see me as really wonderful, because I’m not–I’m just a sinner and fellow struggler like everyone else.
Recently, God has begun to bring light and clarity to how things really are. Indeed, I am not really wonderful or worthy of profound thanks; because it is not me but God who has been at work all this time. My love isn’t any deeper or my heart any purer than anyone else’s facing the issue of elder care…indeed I echo the Apostle Paul and say less so! But God has been at work all this time. He was the One who situated us uniquely to live in separate houses but within feet of each other; so that each family may keep their autonomy while allowing me to be involved in their daily care on a level I can only describe as fluid. He was the One at work, instilling in John and my hearts a desire for me to be an at-home mom long before we even met one another. He was the One who called us as a family to a life of homeschooling, bringing our last child home from public school just before we learned of his parents’ health conditions. Without the freedom that homeschooling allows, I know that Gabe and Nathan could not have taken such good care of their grandparents, shoveling snow covered sidewalks or doing odd jobs. I know that being confined by the public school’s schedule would have limited my care (and severely added to my stress level) needing to be home by a certain time to meet the bus.
And the grace! the grace! God in His mercy has abundantly lavished His grace on me. There is no way I could manage all the responsibilities I have unless it was through His daily, sustaining, all-sufficient grace. There are days when God’s grace is so palpable, that I feel like I’m just along for the ride (and that’s just fine by me!)
So thank me not; it is not me who has been at work, but God working in our lives on their behalf. It is He who deserves the thanks.