Amazing Grace

“You do not want me to treat you all exactly equal.  There is much grace that is given to you that is not given to your brother or sister.  We love you all equally, but we give you exactly what each one needs in order to succeed in this life”

These were the words I heard coming out of my mouth this morning to my eldest son. 

I heard them, but couldn’t quite believe that I had said them.  It was almost as if the Holy Spirit was speaking through me.  This made me wonder if there weren’t a lesson in there somewhere for me about God. 

I think of my precious pastor’s wife, who holds the home together so beautifully while our pastor teaches at a seminary in Russia or goes somewhere else related to the ministry for weeks at a time.  Weeks!  I think I would fall apart after only a few days with my husband away from home.

I think of all the precious women I know  who raise their babies and learn to run a home without the benefit of having mom and mother-in-law so near to lend a hand when necessary.  I can’t even count how many times Mavis took the kids for a few hours so I could clean house or how many times one or the other set of grandparents have babysat so John and I could go out for dinner.  (I can however count on one hand the number of times someone outside the family has watched our children…can you imagine?  What an incredible blessing!) 

I think of the women living in big beautiful houses in the city with little to no yard and few or no trees.  Are you kidding me?  I have trouble keeping my cozy, little house clean; a big beautiful (expensive) one would drive me absolutely insane!  And where would my kids run  and ride their bikes in the summer?  Where would I plant my flower beds and fruit trees and vegetable gardens?  (Not that I do so well at them but still….)

I think of these and so many other women I have measured my life against. 

(Please forgive the paraphrase, but I’ve loaned my Narnia books out so I’m doing this from memory.)  There is a part at the end of “The Horse and His Boy” where Aslan says, “That is her story.  No one is told anyone’s story but his own.”

Mmmmmm….those words bring me much comfort, but also are cause for introspection.  There is only One who I am to measure my life against.  I have been given much grace that has not been given to others (just as they have been given grace that has not been given to me.)  How have I managed this gift?  At the end of my life, what kind of steward will I be judged to have been?                                                                                                          

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